When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself.”
― Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes.
*Note: The following may not be applicable to all people, because everyone has had a different past, that is… a rough past. A rough childhood. Of course, innumerable children deal with a list of problems as any average adult, sad but true.I sincerely apologise if this seems like this is a post containing stereotypical content about being problem-free during your childhood. It isn’t, at least from my side. I don’t mean to offend anyboy. The point is, I have a message to convey. I hope you understand.*
When you were a kid, you didn’t let allow yourself to fall into the enslavement of people-pleasing.
You didn’t analyze or justify yourself in order to feel validated, you didn’t care if people approved your existence and/or your persona.
You were content just the way you were; you cared about your pet goldfish, or your puppy, or your latest toy, or your candy, or your parents (and the list goes on and on). The point is, you found happiness and joy in every little thing that came across your way.
Most of the times, if you didn’t like something, or someone, you thought to yourself, “To hell with it! I’ll go ride my bike or something” and genuinely moved on, instead of letting it bother you to your very core.
Thing is, you loved yourself. You did what you wanted, you spoke what was on your mind without the fear of being judged, about people’s shallow or petty assumptions, about you being a target of gossiping & hot topics, you didn’t always believe the things told to you by others which were both bad and wrong. You didn’t rely and feed on people’s constant approvals and compliments, though you were certainly appreciative of their kindness. You had your own back, you were more fearless and most of all, free of any regrets, at least the huge ones. Let me demonstrate further: you might’ve regretted not bringing your umbrella to school or a day when it rained cats and dogs, or that you didn’t consider bringing an extra pencil to school because you lost the one you had during the moment in school, and needed to write, but had nothing to write with. However, you didn’t regret BIG things, like compromising things specially valuable to you, jeopardising your present and/or future and letting go of something, someone, an oppurtunity to grow in fears of putting everything else that you had ever known of at risk. The fear of failure itself leads to actual failure. Not being prepared to sacrifice a little, or a lot for something your heart beats fast for, and ending up jeopardising a once-in-a-lifetime chance. Maybe you didn’t go for it because you weren’t sure what others thought of you, and what others would think of you and your newly made decision. Maybe you feared their opinions, and hence allowed them to take over your subconsciousness and subsequently your decisions. Therefore, you just weren’t as sure and clear-minded and thereby filled with doubts. Doubts in yourself. Doubts in your capabilities, your gifts.
Yes, life isn’t a bed or roses or a fairytale land either, where everything is easy peasy lemon squeezy; things are going to get harder and harder and you’ll be tested with trials according to your strength, you just never have to doubt it and think you lack anywhere. Know you are capable of moving about freely to hustle hard and make your dreams come true.
When you stop analyzing yourself, trying to find justification within yourself for every move you make, every breath you take, you find wisdom; when you find wisdom, you find a way towards your soul, and that too flawlessly and effortlessly. When you stop worrying about causing someone else’s displeasure just because you chose to do what you HAD to, you achieve a sense of freedom no one can ever steal from you but yourself. When you realise that nothing ever is truly yours, you let go of the fear of losing anything in the first place. Loss simply is an inevitable, and a lot of times a healthy process of life which you learn to accept sooner or later. When you truly realise that time does not wait for anyone, and that it is short yet ample in amount, you will stop waiting for time to always give you chances, and you will stop fully relying on time to heal your wounds. You’ll have your back just like you did once: through innocence, immaturity, learning & growing, through the phase when you were mostly oblivious to the world and through the times when you began to actually see the world. The rough times, the various confusing times and the exhausting times. When you’ll find out that you really are your own person, your own source of love and strength, that is when you’ll be able to face, communicate and eventually get along with your personal hells. That is when you’ll be able to convert those hells into something less volatile, less violent and less powerful. You’ll exempt yourself from your personal hells.